


All The Phrases You Used to Hurt Me

by TomorrowTakesForever



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Angst, Angst and Porn, Aron always suffers in my fics, Bassist!Aaron, Drinking, Dysfunctional Relationship, Feelings, Flashbacks, M/M, Open Ending, Sex as coping mechanisms, Smut, Strong Language, drummer!dongho, guitarist!jonghyun, keyboardist!minki, mentions of cheating, rockband!AU, slight mentions of violence, vocalist!minhyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21971617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomorrowTakesForever/pseuds/TomorrowTakesForever
Summary: It had always been them.Writing lyrics, composing songs, choosing outfits, kissing and fucking in between, looking up bars, putting on glitzy eyeliner—always been them.Until Aaron quit the band.
Relationships: Hwang Minhyun/Aaron Kwak | Aron
Comments: 14
Kudos: 48





	All The Phrases You Used to Hurt Me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't want to ruin the (not really deeply developed) plot, but still do read the tags. This contains a dysfunctional relationship, so if the theme is not of your liking, I don't think this is for you. Other than that, enjoy. 
> 
> Wanted to post MinRon for Christmas but been busy. At least I got to post before the year is done! Have a good read!

The art of eye contact is quite fascinating. 

Almost provocative.

Minhyun bunglingly lowers his glass of vodka on the tabletop and contemplates his appearance on the reflection of the mirror for the fifth time that night. His eyeliner is very well practiced, the same way his smile appeals fascination to people who come to watch  _ his _ band perform. ( _ They're here for him only _ , he thinks. He's egotistical like that.) 

Inside the cheap, unclean backstage room sits Dongho, checking his phone and eyeing Minhyun every time he asks him if his makeup is alright. He doesn't expect any less when he replies that it looks good, and with utmost finesse, Minhyun ignores the tone in which he compliments him. He blinks and adds yet another layer of highlighter on the fair skin above his eyebrows. 

With the stability in which the band has gotten popular and the gigs have increased in number, he constantly gets asked whether he has a stylist behind every ideal outfit. But there's never been anyone else besides him and once upon a time his star-crossed, overly complicated lover: Kwak Aaron. It had always been them; writing lyrics, composing songs, choosing outfits, kissing and fucking in between, looking up bars, putting on glitzy eyeliner— _ always been them.  _

Minhyun met Aaron on his last year of high school and had been breathless from the very beginning. The art of eye contact, he supposed. He met the love of his life during spring’s breeze and in a haze of sudden panic, he asked him if he was interested in joining his  _ made-up-on-the-spot _ alternative rock band, and the rest was history. Their ‘alternative rock band’ barely consisted of them two until they met Dongho a year later, whom introduced them to Minki and Jonghyun, and off they went into the most unstable development of their band. 

Nothing compared to  _ now _ , though. Losing both Jonghyun and especially Aaron from the band didn't compare to the initial fights and quarrels about make-up and tight pants. Nothing compared to the way Aaron had wiped his tears and pushed Minhyun away when he begged him to stay—

There's a knock on the door, and Minki looks wary when he peeks through the slight opening and meets his eyes through the mirror’s reflection, “Just makin’ sure you're not fuckin’ or somethin’,” he says, and Minhyun once again ignores the fire in Dongho’s eyes.

“I'm gonna need more of this,” Minhyun lifts the glass of vodka, finishing it in one last swig. 

Minki shrugs, “Crowd’s big today,” and he seems to add just in case, “So I would appreciate it if you don't fuck up the lyrics and go onstage a bit more sobered up this time.” 

He rolls his eyes and wonders how come he didn't kick Minki out of the band when he had the chance. “Whatever.”

—

His lips rest on the microphone when the people start piling up close to the stage. They've already played their most popular track, and he's already gotten catcalls from both men and women. He winks back in the direction of the loud girls who constantly bat their eyelashes at him. He finds it less attractive than usual, but it might be the fact that he's not drunk enough to ignore that he's not even into women. He distracts himself with a tall guy in the first row and shows off the metal piercing on his tongue when he subtly licks his lower lip. 

The amount of response he gets is kind of amusing. 

And it’s when they're playing the third-to-last song that Dongho talks to him from over his hickory drumsticks, “They're crazy in love with you,” and Minhyun flashes a smile that has Dongho playing more energetically than before. He almost allows himself to feel bad, but at the same time, he really doesn't care enough to dwell on it.

Minhyun’s eyes roam around the crowd, easy smile when people dance and sing to the lyrics of their songs. It makes his heartbeat accelerate the longer he feels the alcohol pump in his veins like royalty’s blue blood. He drinks in the audience, processing that everyone has their eyes on him; on the way his fingers grip onto the microphone as his voice comes out in the most pleasant melody; it's only  _ him _ in the room right now. 

The music is loud but his voice is louder. Loud and beautiful. Just like the many people he's had after concerts tell him. They come by and seductively whisper that he's good; he's the best. His clothes are nice, but if they're off, it's nicer. 

He allows it with arms (and legs) wide open. He allows to be seduced and he allows them to kiss him and use him. It's a coping mechanism he can't help when he's so deep into isolation from real love but craving any sort of sexual release. Especially ever since he unwillingly became addicted to the heat and savory taste of another body on the old couch backstage or the bathroom stalls when he's in rushed desperation. 

Yet the air inside the bar is different today, and he can't help but accept a shot of whiskey from a man in the audience who puts it up for him. The glitter on his skin glows under the black lighting of the setup stage. His eyeliner looks messier and more prominent from the way he rubs at his eyes when he meets a familiar gaze at the back of the room.

Minhyun grows dizzy but his eyes stay trained on him. It's no longer only  _ himself _ in the room.

“ _ Don't mess up your makeup _ ,” the man mouths clearly, and Minhyun focuses on his lips instead. He wonders if he's hallucinating everything; whether the shot was spiked because he feels higher than Seoul’s highest skyscraper. He swears he can hear his voice even though the drums and guitar behind him play louder than the sneerful words. 

It's really him; it's really Aaron, and he looks more spectacular than ever before. 

The grip on the microphone tightens and so does his gaze as he grieves on Aaron’s beautiful,  _ beautiful  _ eyes. He's got his eyes on him. It feels like it's been years since Aaron has looked at him like that, and suddenly all the lyrics and words that flow out of his mouth are dedicated to him. Every love-filled and hopeless verse goes directed to him, who stares and unwillingly smiles back when Minhyun throws the prettiest of his beams. 

He moves on the stage like never before. The people cheer loudly for him, but he's got his eyes on Aaron. Even when he accepts another shot of whiskey, the golden drink burns his throat the same way his heart aches to be held and crushed by Aaron’s hands alone.

And when the drums finish the song like usual, Minhyun thanks the crowd for coming out, but his eyes and heart only fixate on Aaron. 

When Aaron claps and keeps their gazes locked and steady, Minhyun really hopes that this isn't just a dream messing with his head. 

—

It's barely been ten minutes, but Minki has already shamelessly disappeared from the bar with his usual night-partner and his share of money from tonight’s gig. To be fair, Minhyun would have also left the backstage room—ten minutes and seven seconds ago—to look for Aaron himself if only he hadn't messed up his makeup so cheaply. 

He begrudgingly looks at his reflection in the mirror and wonders if Aaron is still somewhere in the bar; if he's come here to see him. If he's left by now, Minhyun's efforts to look decent are upright pointless, but he clasps his hands together and prays that Kwak Aaron has for some  _ unreasonable _ reason— come to see him. 

When he enters the bar again, most people turn their heads to stare at him. Eye him up and down, recognizing him from earlier’s performance and well-aware that he's a manwhore who doesn't need much in order to accept whoever it is who approaches him first. 

He's blinded by the thought of Aaron that night, however. And it seems like everyone can sense his unavailability because they back off when he sits down by himself on a leather stool near the bartender. 

Counting until ten to put himself together has never been so difficult. It feels like he's lost Aaron again today, and the realization seems to drive him on edge as he looks over the crowds of people in the room. He's growing desperate, and just as he's about to take a deep breath and order a drink to calm down his thirsting, the familiar warmth spreads around his cheeks when he feels a firm hand on his bouncy leg. 

“You have a new piercing on your tongue.” 

He jumps out of his seat, nearly snapping his neck from the intensity in which he turns to his left where the voice comes from. 

Aaron meets his eyes in tranquility. He counts to five and he's speaking again. “I think your new song was really good.” 

It takes Minhyun by surprise that Aaron has approached him himself; he wasn't usually  _ this _ shameless. Minhyun looks at him carefully as his words take a moment to come out properly.

Voice sounds calculated; a little shaky in the edges because he can't afford to fuck up again. “I'm glad to hear you liked it.” 

Aaron's expression remains neutral on his face, killing him slowly. He can't possibly infer what is going on inside his mind, and it was never this difficult to figure out Aaron. It works as a punch of reality in the gut, because he probably isn't the same person he'd fallen in love with all those years ago.

“Who were you thinking about when you wrote those lyrics?” 

Minhyun squints, unable to apprehend if he's provoking him maliciously or not. It effectively ticks him off, though. “They're really old writings, so I guess I thought about you.” 

He falls on a bed of roses when Aaron grows silent. “You didn't expect that answer?” Minhyun grits out quietly with humor. “Please. You know me better than that, Aaron.”

He knows that he's testing Aaron’s patience, and it impresses him that he hasn't gotten up to leave the bar just yet. 

Minhyun touches the hand that still remains on his thigh and Aaron seems to have forgotten that he's placed it there in the first place. He delicately removes it from him and refuses to return his gaze.

“Did you come alone?”

Aaron looks at him like he's a joke to humanity. He doesn't need to answer before Minhyun carries on. 

“So, can I buy you a drink?”

Aaron's expression falters for barely a second before he shakes his head. “Thanks, but I can buy one myself.” 

He laughs unintentionally. “Are you really gonna pass up a free drink? The performers get an open bar.” 

It's almost as if he says it on purpose to offend him. “I'd honestly pass up a free drink from you anytime, Minhyun.” 

And It's the first time he hears his name coming from Aaron in months, so it shakes him a bit. It never deems so real that their relationship is possibly beyond saving and more torn than he wants to imagine. 

“Fair.” Minhyun says because he knows that the blame is on him anyways. Their hearts might just be synchronized right now. “Can I ask why you're here, at least?”

Aaron looks at him properly this time, so Minhyun is able to take a decent glimpse of him. Of the beauty mark under his left eyebrow. On his neck. Wishes he could see the one on his hip under the tattoos just over his ribs. He imagines and  _ remembers  _ the flushed skin under his fingers back when he was allowed to touch him. To kiss him and fuck him and love him—

Aaron’s eyes are trained on him like he can read his thoughts and for a minute Minhyun wishes he could. Wonders when exactly he’d become such a hardened version of himself. 

“I wanted to see you perform. I hope there's nothing wrong with that.”

“You gave me adrenaline.” Minhyun blinks and when he opens his eyes again, Aaron is looking away. “I don't think I've performed like that in a long time.” 

There's a minute of silence and Minhyun wonders if Aaron is going to slap him across the face and leave with some repulsive insult in between his pretty lips, but Aaron looks at him again and he looks hesitant. He sighs and motions the bartender over. 

“I need to be more drunk to deal with you.” 

Minhyun nods to that; would rather agree. He’s well aware that he should  _ not _ drink unless he wants to unleash the overly  _ bold _ character within him, but he orders another glass of whiskey as Aaron's eyes linger on the drink menu and waver drastically. 

“It's quite the pricey bar.” Minhyun says softly to him. 

Aaron waits until the bartender is out of sight and off to prepare Minhyun's drink when he whispers quietly enough to pass as a deep breath, “So, does the drink offer still stand or what?” 

Minhyun's heart blossoms at the power of eye contact. 

“I think you know very well that it does.” 

—

They're both sitting in a booth at the back of the bar now, and Minhyun doesn't recall how many drinks he and Aaron have quaffed combined. He assumes that more than enough, because Aaron's filter has been long ago lost in between cigarette smoke and sarcastic comments. He's become louder and his eyebrows are set in a dead giveaway of every passing emotion he has. Minhyun isn't too far from being drunk either, but he's too hyper-aware of Aaron’s behavior to notice that he's equally as gone. 

“About your tongue piercing,” Aaron says and his eyes focus on his mouth. “Show it to me.” 

Minhyun takes his tongue out with no further questions and Aaron grins in diversion. “That's pretty fucking hot.” 

“I couldn't sing for a month, but it's great.” _Great for kissing,_ he wants to say but doesn't, _and_ _blowjobs_. 

He only nods because he can't control his responses responsibly anymore. Minhyun knows him when he's tipsy, and he can tell he doesn't trust his mouth anymore. “You got any other new piercings that I don't know of?” 

Minhyun's eyes darken with unavoidable drunken lust. “Why? You wanna see?”

Aaron, the much bigger of a demon shrugs. “Why not?” 

Minhyun thinks of a fitting response, and his eyes linger on Aaron’s neck and then lower. “They're on my nipples, so you're gonna have to undress me if you really wanna see them.” 

He laughs bitingly. “Too bad I can't undress you here. You know I’m not into exhibitionism.” 

It spikes something in the air. He swallows the lump in his throat and watches Aaron drink from his glass of vodka. “What brought you here, really?” He's drunk. Hell, he can't control his words when he stares at Aaron’s face and then at the plains of his chest under the black buttoned shirt. “You may not be into exhibitionism, but you came here looking like you wanted me to rip your fucking pants off anyways.” 

Aaron doesn't even bother to look surprised. Seems like he can't when it's coming from Minhyun’s mouth. “Maybe I want you to.” He challenges. 

He raises an eyebrow, unsure. “You know I wouldn't say no. Never to you.” 

Aaron drops the glass back on the table. His fingers release some pressure and his thumb twitches. The heated gazes only make him more brave. “I know that. That's why I'm here.” 

Minhyun looks apprehensive; smiles without humor. “Don't make me laugh. Can't you get sex from anyone else?” 

He waits too long to reply. “I've been unlucky.” 

“You’re not unlucky. You're a liar.” 

He's silent. Five seconds. Ten seconds. 

“You know very well that you could get whatever and whoever you want. Looking like you do. No one would say no.” 

“Fair.” Aaron shrugs, but he looks like he doesn't believe him at all. “I’m simply not interested in  _ whatever or whoever. _ ” 

“You've never had good taste.” He sounds sincere. 

Aaron gazes at Minhyun for a long moment before responding, “Explains why I like you.” 

“Like?”

“ _ Liked _ .” 

“You didn't say that three seconds ago.” 

“I meant  _ liked _ .”

“I think you just sold yourself, my love.” 

Aaron's expression unfolds under the minimum light. His eyebrows are set in a serious mood, and he sighs so quietly that Minhyun wonders how come he hears it. 

“You've always been so good with your words.” 

His eyes remain trained on his mouth. Aaron says it sarcastically but there's truth behind it, because they both know it's true.

“I’m a songwriter. I'm meant to be good.”

“Poetic.” Aaron scoffs. 

The silence that follows doesn't have Minhyun counting inside his head like the habit it's long become. He tries to do it less often as much as he slips, because when Aaron left the backstage room months ago after he quit the band, Minhyun  _ counted _ , but not even after reaching two hundred did Aaron return.

“We could always go somewhere else.” 

Aaron’s face sobers up immediately and Minhyun knows he's used the wrong set of words right now. “Where would you take me?” His voice shakes in clear hurt and he expects only the worst. “ _ Backstage  _ will do?” 

And there’s way more meaning and weight to those words, so it makes Minhyun grow red in shame. He hints at the incident that caused them to fight, blur the lines, and never see each other again until today. The reason he left him. 

The reason he left the band.

Maybe he's taken it too far. Maybe Aaron just came here to provoke him and then tell him that he's moved on— or that he still hates him for what he's done.

Minhyun waits for three heartbeats before he's ready to apologize, but Aaron speaks before he can mutter a single word. He switches to the demeanor from earlier and takes the glass to his lips. Doesn't want to be sober. Glancing at him from the corner of his eyes and smiles for some unclear motive. “Have you not found a new bassist-toy yet?” 

“No.” Minhyun answers and glares at him, the unlit cigarette from before now rests tightly around his fingers, but he lifts it up to his lips. He chooses to be honest with him, still. “I never had a bassist-toy. You weren't that and you know it.” Yet his voice shakes as if he didn't believe it himself. (But it was true. What he felt for Aaron had always been different. Always suppressed.)

He can't lie to him. Something tells him that Aaron already knows, though. “But I've been fooling around ever since you left.”

Aaron smiles but there's no amusement when he replies, “with Dongho?”

Minhyun’s hand twitches over the table and the cigarette shakes on his lips. “Is that why you're here? You wanna talk about that?”

He shakes his head. 

“Not really. But at the same time, I don't know why I'm here either. I don't know why I’m  _ still  _ here.” 

He gives it a second of ponder. “Did you miss the band? Missed  _ me _ ? It's not like you were kicked out,” his voice stumbles, “you left yourself.” 

“Do  _ you  _ wanna have this conversation?” Aaron's cheeks are dusted pink; it's the alcohol and easy temper he has mixing into one. “After all, seems like you've had a great time adjusting to everything after I quit.”

“Who says that?” Minhyun frowns and his eyebrows set angrily on the center of his face. “You don't know how difficult it's been on me.”

Aaron’s lips shake and Minhyun doesn't think he can keep the tears inside himself longer either. “Difficult?” He scoffs and drinks to dismiss his shaky voice. “Did you know? Did you know that this isn't the first time I've come to see you?” 

He blinks and his heart startles. “I've come to your shows multiple times and made sure you never saw me. I saw  _ you,  _ though. I saw you taking people with you. Girls. Boys. I was surprised at how easy it was for you to find someone else to fuck _.”  _

“Aaron…” Minhyun closes his eyes and covers his face. “God, it wasn't like that. I just did it because I didn't know how else to overcome it. You know that I… I had never been with anyone else until… until that  _ night _ .” 

“What if it had been me?” Aaron asks. He looks at him desperately like he's going to break at any given second.

“The promise we made,” he begins, “We wanted to become the best rock band in town. Have you forgotten about that or what?”

Minhyun can't bear to look back at him when he speaks. “Nothing was enough for you, was it?” His voice shakes with vulnerability but once he starts, he doesn't stop. “We had pretty fucking  _ good  _ gigs,” Aaron laughs to himself. “We had a great time. You had me. We had each other.” 

He waits until Minhyun is brave enough to meet his eyes before continuing. “But that wasn't enough for you, was it?”

Minhyun's hands find the surface of the table and he holds onto it. Counts to four but he can't continue any longer. “That night with… Dongho… It was a mistake, Aaron. I wasn't on my right mind and we'd gotten into an argument because of Jonghyun and I just wanted to get my head off of you to pretend that it didn't bother me that someone else was interested in you. I tried to keep it open between us. Prove that we weren't exclusive.”

“Fucking asshole,” Aaron seethes quietly, “you're a fucking asshole.”

He wipes the tears on his face with the sleeves of his shirt. “I fucking gave it all up for  _ you.  _ For  _ you _ and our stupid  _ band _ .”

His eyes look everywhere but Minhyun’s face. “We weren't  _ exclusive _ ?” Aaron repeats in complete disbelief. “Oh, but remember three years ago? When I got offered a contract to play?  _ Me,  _ not  _ you _ . Not the  _ band _ .  _ Me.”  _

Minhyun doesn't reply. 

“I said no. I refused each and every time because we promised to rise together.” Aaron shakily gets up from their table and shoves his jacket into his arms in drunken lucidity. His tears are more clear when the LED light flashes directly on his face. 

Minhyun quickly acts upon it and holds up his arm to stop him. “Aaron, wait...”

The music is so loud that absolutely no one pays them attention. Must be after midnight because everyone dances and reeks of vodka. Aaron pushes him away hard. “Tell me again that we weren't fucking  _ exclusive _ , Minhyun. Tell me you didn't beat the shit out of Jonghyun five months ago when you saw him touch my ass, and tell me you didn't fucking said you loved me every single time we had sex.” 

Minhyun fails to respond in time and he doesn't know with certainty whether there's sweat on his cheeks or tears. 

“Tell me you didn't fucking grow violent every single time someone hit up on me. Everytime someone in the audience tried to  _ engage _ with me. And how the fuck do you think it'd feel if you found me  _ backstage— _ .”

“—Aaron, stop.”

“—Being  _ fucked—” _

_ “— _ I said  _ stop—!” _

_ “— _ by our  _ drummer _ ?”

_ “—Stop!”  _ Minhyun’s whole body shakes with a rush of unknown sensitivity that almost makes him knock down the entire table to quiet Aaron’s words. 

“Fuck, Aaron, I'm  _ sorry _ ! I'm  _ sorry, okay? _ There's not a day in which I don't feel absolutely  _ miserable _ for that. I have to see Dongho every single day and recall what happened in between us. And I feel immoral and disgraceful. But it was a mistake. I swear it was. I shouldn't have done it. I regret it and I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry, Aaron.” His gaze holds onto the last strings of hope as he looks at him straight in the eyes. 

The art of eye contact. 

He drops to his knees and he hides his face from shame. Clasps his hands like he's praying and he begs. “You don't have to ever accept an apology from me, Aaron, but I'm  _ sorry _ . I'm sorry that you saw the whore I was with strangers when you left, but sex was the only coping mechanism I could afford when I didn't have you with me for the first time in my life. After being together for years. After you gave me your youth and I gave you mine. I'm sorry.” 

Aaron has more tears in his eyes and he pulls at his shirt to help him get up. “Don't do this to me right now.” He whispers. 

“You didn't deserve it.” Minhyun whimpers. “You were so beautiful and loyal to me and the band. I fucked up once but it was enough to drift you apart from me. So when I saw you in the crowd today, I instinctively thought that I  _ needed _ to take you home with me even if it was just for one night. That's how much of a masochist I became.” 

He wipes at the tears in Minhyun's face. “You're so fucking messed in the head.” 

“I know that,” Minhyun agrees in quiet huffs of shaky breaths, “I know that.” 

“Is that all you're gonna say?”

“If you're gonna leave me again, there's just one more thing I want to say.” 

Aaron doesn't stop him. 

“When you said you were quitting, the timing felt awfully wrong, but I wanted to say that you looked beautiful.” 

His eyes are transfixed on him, wordless. Minhyun's eyes fill with tears again and he laughs in a precarious measure. “That's the one,” Minhyun says. “That's the expression you had.” He looks high and marveled, but at the same time his eyes display distance and agony. 

Aaron doesn't speak to him yet. Minhyun presses further. “How do you feel?”

There's no emotion in his voice. 

“I feel sad.” 

“ _ Sad _ ?” Minhyun looks appalled, he shakes his head because it's not the answer he wants to hear. “Why  _ sad?”  _

“Because your words carry the same heavy weight as before.” 

Minhyun closes his eyes; he tries to recover his lost breath and he stands there still. The music still fogs his thoughts, but the image of Aaron is still alive in his memory. Even if he were to open his eyes and find the spot in front of him empty, he'd cry until it kicked in that he wasn't going to forgive him. He would sob at the thought that the last expression he sees from Aaron each and every time is disappointment and  _ sadness  _ mixed with longing and perhaps even hate—

But he's still standing there when he opens his eyes. 

Fumbles with words, but he lets his pent up breath out. “You're… You're not gonna leave?”

Aaron chokes up. He doesn't stop looking at him. “I could. I could leave right now.” 

“Yeah, you could,” Minhyun's eyes trace his entire face in disbelief until he catches his gaze again, “but I've counted ‘till ten and you're still here.”

—

Minhyun knows Aaron way better than anyone else. He's always been so open and honest with him; he's always shared his worries and his interests. They've shared secrets and confessions and beds more than anything, but Minhyun doesn't know the Aaron that sits next to him inside his car right now. 

He grips on the steering wheel because they're stuck on a red light, and even though Aaron has refused to say a single word to him from the moment they sat down and Minhyun turned the car heater on, he looks at him through the reflection of the window in complete silence. 

Aaron meets his gaze through the glass’s reflection and he looks away as if he'd been caught stealing artwork. 

He chews on his bottom lip and sighs. The car radio is broken, so he can't even put music on. He can only hear his heartbeat and hopes Aaron doesn't hear it from his spot next to him, too.

“Say something.” He finally says. He looks at him directly and Aaron doesn't do much more than shrink further into the car seat. 

“I'm sobering up,” he words out and it sounds awfully frightened, “I don't want to be sober.” 

“You should sleep.” Minhyun says instead. “I'll wake you up when we arrive to your place.” 

Aaron doesn't reply. Minhyun sounds composed and that's by far the strangest thing from the whole night. Even when lots of stunts and conversations have been pulled in barely five hours. 

If policemen were to stop his car and do him an alcoholemia, he'd be in deep shit and they'd have to sleep behind bars because of his irresponsibility of driving drunk. But still, Minhyun being used to a reality of driving back home fucked and wasted, gave no second thoughts when he suggested to send Aaron back home after earlier’s pseudo-apology. 

If it's the last time he gets to see Aaron, it'll still be better than last time, he reasons. At least it wouldn't involve Aaron slapping him on the face and screaming at him. He hates that he can remember it more vividly than any of their performances or moments together. The left side of his face still stings at night. 

_ (“Don't touch me.” Aaron had warned. He held the bass weakly on his left hand, “Don't you  _ dare _ touch me.”  _

_ Minhyun had stared at him in terrified silence. His voice was not coming out and it didn't help that Dongho fumbled to look for their clothes. _

_ “Cover yourself, fuck!” Aaron bawled. “How can you even show yourself like this? You're actually scum.” _

_ “Aaron… I don't get it…”  _

_ “You don't  _ get it? _ ”  _

_ “We're not even together—” _

_ “Fuck you!” He blared. Aaron’s hand was heavy when it had contact on his cheek. “Fuck  _ you _ , Hwang Minhyun. Fuck whoever you want. I'm out. I'm fucking out of here.”) _

They don't speak until he parks the car outside of Aaron’s apartment complex. He looks to his right and Aaron lays wide awake, head spinning in his daydreams because he hasn't noticed where they're at yet. 

Minhyun opens the door for him and he hugs his own body because it's cold. He doesn't have a jacket on, and neither does Aaron; they hold each others gazes and he puts his hand out to him and offers him to carry him to his doorstep. He doesn't know whether Aaron has changed the passcode to his room or not (it was their birthdays combined), but he doesn't want to mention it because it's better to think that he hasn't. 

Aaron doesn't accept nor deny Minhyun’s offer and stays there. Sitting inside the car until Minhyun starts to shiver from the cold. 

“Aaron…” 

“Come inside with me,” he whispers with uncertainty. “I don't want to imagine you going after someone else after you put me to bed.” 

“I won't.” Minhyun says quietly. “But I won't go inside with you either.” 

He frowns, eyes glazed. “Why not?” 

Minhyun blinks repeatedly. “Aaron, please don't do this.”

“I'm not what you want anymore?” He's not accusing him. It sounds more hurt than anything, so Minhyun finds himself shaking his head immediately. 

“I've controlled myself all night with you. When we drank and when we did as little as talk. If I go with you, my self-control won’t keep me from touching you or– or kissing you much longer.” 

Aaron pulls himself out of Minhyun’s car. They're face to face when Aaron places his hand on his chest and flattens out his palm right above his heart. He can probably feel how quick it beats under his touch. 

“Park your car and come with me.” Aaron says softly. He's afraid of what might come next. “But if you really don't want to, I get it. If you're stopping yourself because you're trying to be selfless for once, then we stop it right here and we move on forever.” 

Minhyun’s whole body shakes. The piercing on his tongue clicks anxiously against the roof of his mouth and he takes a deep breath. 

“I don't want to,” Minhyun starts, “I don't want to move on. I'm in lov—”

“—Come upstairs,then.” Aaron cuts his sentence and covers his mouth with his hand. Minhyun wonders if he deprecates him so much that hearing him confess his love would ruin everything. 

“Have you changed your apartment’s passcode?”

Aaron smiles. “I have not.” 

Minhyun exhales deep and kisses his palm. “Wait for me upstairs.”

He sits inside the car for a few minutes and turns the heater off. He watched Aaron walk up to the elevator and disappear from his spot under the pine trees with full attention, but he’s parked the car minutes ago and gone limp with hesitation. There's something about anticipation because he's been waiting all night, but there's still guilt because he doesn't know it it's what Aaron really deserves. 

It takes him long enough to push open the door after the passcode works under his fingers, and when he does, he sees Aaron on the small kitchenette giving him his back. His hands work on the kettle shakily, but he sees a bottle of vodka (halfway done) on the table next to him. 

Aaron doesn't turn around and Minhyun barely moves from his position at the doorstep before he starts speaking over the radio that plays some local popular song. 

“Maybe it's okay for certain things to never come back.” Aaron says barely audibly, and his breath burns Minhyun’s lips as if he was speaking directly on his mouth despite their distance. “But I'm giving this one more chance because I'm… stupid, probably.” 

He looks at the slim figure of Aaron, still working on the kitchen. It's kind of awful the way that things look just as if he hadn't moved them at all in the last few months. It looks just the way they had left it after having sex on the couch the night before they fought on the backstage room of the bar. 

The only difference is the television control remote on the kitchen counter. Minhyun didn't like Aaron watching television whilst they had meals because he'd be distracted from their conversations, so it kind of hits him hard that Aaron didn't have to follow that now because it didn't matter anymore. 

“Aaron?” He whispers. “Are you hesitating?”

He doesn't turn. “Should I?”

“I don't know. Should you?”

“Something tells me you are.”

Minhyun walks closer to him and Aaron finally turns to look at him. “Can I ask you something?” 

Aaron looks at him patiently. Waits. 

“You said you came to watch me.” Minhyun starts. He puts his hands on Aaron’s belt loops and pulls him away from the stove and closer to his body. “Have you watched me perform every time?”

He nods a little dazedly.

“You must have noticed, then.” He says. His lips fall directly on Aaron’s neck, barely touching his skin in the vexing way that drives him mad. “You must have noticed how differently I played tonight when I realized you were in the crowd.” 

Aaron's breath catches in his throat and Minhyun laughs ribbingly. He mouths at the sensitive skin under his ear and kisses warmly. Minhyun closes his eyes because it's so much different to kiss Aaron’s neck and  _ know _ it's his instead of imagining it. “When I saw you standing there, I really prayed it was you.” 

“Minhyun—” Aaron whispers, and Minhyun loves how it sounds, “Minhyun, let's… not, not here.” 

It doesn't require any less of an explanation before Minhyun digs his hands on Aaron’s ass and lifts him up easily so he can cling his legs on his lower torso as he holds him nearly effortlessly. It physically pains him when they touch over their clothes, and Minhyun hisses under his breath before finally leaning in to kiss Aaron’s cherry lips. 

Finally. 

He closes his eyes, but he feels more elated than ever before. Minhyun pushes his tongue into Aaron’s mouth and doesn't hide his desperation when he sucks on his lower lip. Aaron tastes like too much vodka, but his lips are soft and taste faintly of chapstick.

The warm metal of his tongue ring catches against Aaron’s tongue and that alone makes him hornier than hell itself. He pushes up as close as he can to Aaron, kissing so hard that it feels as though he's going to take him in the kitchen from how dangerously he clings onto him and moans against his mouth. 

Minhyun rips his mouth off of Aaron’s, wiping their combined saliva off of his lips with the back of his hand before he blindly reaches for the vodka bottle he saw earlier on the kitchen counter. “We're using this.” He murmurs on Aaron’s curled lips, and he just silently agrees because he doesn't know how to speak properly for a moment. 

He walks around the living room with Aaron still on his arms and pushes open the door to his bedroom with his hip. It feels like the routine from months ago, but when he stubs his foot on a new chair near his wooden desk, he blinks but doesn't comment. Aaron is too distracting anyways. 

“Let me down,” Aaron mutters against his cheek, “I need to bring the lube from the bathroom.” 

Minhyun lowers him to the floor, smoothing his hair down as he waits near the door. He's so easily out of breath. 

Aaron’s favorite rock band posters are still hung on the wall, but he quickly looks away from the (now empty) portrait that used to have a picture of them both when they were still in high school. It stings somehow, but he clears his throat and busies himself with the vodka bottle he still carries on his other hand and sips down a generous amount that has him wincing. 

Aaron trips into Minhyun's shoulder just as he stumbles back into the room, and Minhyun barely regains his senses before closing the door behind them.

Minhyun puts a hand on his left cheek and leans in to kiss him again. He has to lean down a bit and Aaron stands on his tiptoes to reach him just right, and Minhyun can't help but smile at the thought. It's shorter than the ones from before, but Aaron tentatively looks at him and pulls him towards the bed. 

“The piercing on your tongue is the hottest thing you've done in all the years I've known you.” He says, taking the alcohol from Minhyun and drinking directly from the bottle. 

Minhyun watches in a daze. “The nipple piercings I told you about earlier are actually fake.” He says as if Aaron didn't already know.

“I'm not into that anyways.” Aaron shrugs a laugh, and Minhyun smiles. He pushes him to the mattress and pulls his shirt off practiced like. It's supposed to be winter but his room is as hot and humid as summer. 

Aaron pulls at his own pants and shirt as well, panting when Minhyun holds one of his thighs firmly. He looks at him fiercely, and Minhyun shakes in lust. Aaron always gets quite difficult in bed, and his drunken edges of his eyes are proof of the challenge. 

He pushes him down hard and Aaron outwardly groans. It's not difficult to pin him down with their muscular and overall size difference, and Minhyun watches him from above him on his disheveled form. His black hair looks soft, and he pulls at it to test his reasoning. Aaron moans and closes his eyes when Minhyun sits on his crotch and applies pressure. He leans in to suck a hickey right where everyone can see it. Above the mole Aaron has on his neck and under the fading one he knows he hasn't given him for a fact. Who then? 

Minhyun still has his underwear on, but when he ruts against Aaron, they both gasp for air and look at each other. Aaron pulls him down from his neck and savors his tongue. Minhyun caresses his piercing on the roof of Aaron’s mouth, and he has him moaning profanities. He pulls away and looks at him with blown eyes; it looks as if he were surprised. It must have felt good because Aaron adjusts in a position where he has contact with Minhyun’s crotch and he whimpers weakly.

His hands draw circles on Aaron’s chest. He stops the kissing on his neck and starts sucking at the skin right above Aaron’s nipple. His fingers trace the rib tattoos he's watched him get two years ago and chants the words of worship on his skin by perfect memory. He may have a God, but Minhyun worships Aaron. 

“Enough.” Aaron outwardly begs and holds the long forgotten bottle of vodka in between his shaky fingers, “I need you to touch me.” 

Minhyun hums hotly against his skin. He looks at him and an idea formulates as he pulls the bottle away from him and starts dripping thick droplets on Aaron's exposed chest, finishing on his neck. He watches it dribble across his skin and narrows his eyes at the goosebumps in Aaron’s entire body. 

He puts the mouth of the bottle on Aaron’s lips and he opens without question. Minhyun fears he might choke as he pours the drink directly on his lips, but it rolls down his opened-mouth when Minhyun kisses him again. 

Sucks around his neck and nips at Aaron’s skin whilst he grazes his tongue piercing all around the patches of alcohol he's colored on him. Aaron moans like he's never been touched in his life before and Minhyun beams. As it should be. 

He kisses him on the mouth again. 

And again until they're so drunk with each other that he doesn't recall taking him out of his underwear and Aaron putting his hand on him like he's been waiting for hours now. 

“Fuck,” Aaron sighs, holding Minhyun’s cock in his hand. “How long have you been this hard?”

Minhyun moans at the words. He searches for Aaron’s eyes and laughs drunkenly. “From the moment I saw you in the crowd.” 

Aaron’s wrist shakes, taking him cruelly slow. 

“Fucking… faster,” Minhyun pants. 

The position in which they're at is uncomfortable, and his legs hurt already, but Aaron’s hands on him are the best sensation he's had in months. He flips them so that Aaron sits on top of him instead, and he holds him with both of his hands now. The veins and his muscles flex under the light, and Minhyun holds Aaron’s frail wrist and watches with his breath aggressively caught in his throat.

When Aaron slides his hands up and down as expertly as he's always been, Minhyun's eyes trail all over him. He dwells on his beauty. On the beauty marks on his skin. On the redness to his cheeks that's so recognizable of him. On the thick eyebrows that gather in the center of his face in concentration. Minhyun pulls him to him and kisses him because he can't help it any longer. His right hand finds Aaron’s erection, and he takes advantage of the way he opens his mouth to moan to suck on his tongue. 

He likes that he has Aaron’s cock in his hand and he considers how he should really put it in his mouth more. The thought makes him click his piercing against his teeth in frustration.

This clicking sends Aaron over the edge and he looks at him in the eyes with an animalistic nature that has him moaning his name incoherently and closing his eyes. “Minhyun, you’re… I’m… fuck, fucking… crazy.”

He pants on his neck and knows that the feeling is mutual. “Aaron, I want…” Minhyun chants like the devil, “want to fuck you right now.” 

Aaron nods with, “yes,” and looks dangerously high, “yes, please.”

When he gets on his knees to spread him carefully, Aaron hides. His eyes refuse to look further than the wall and he whines shakily a little more than tipsy. Like he's about to cry. 

“Are you okay?” Minhyun asks. And it sounds so tender and genuine that Aaron looks at him with silent overwhelm. “We don't have—” 

“I want to.” Aaron cuts him off. “Hell, I  _ want to _ really badly.” 

“Okay.” Minhyun softly whispers. He caresses his palms on Aaron’s legs and looks at the trails of hair under his navel. It drives him crazy and Minhyun moans in disbelief because,

“You're so hot, Aaron,” and it sounds like it hurts him. His eyes are shaking all over Aaron’s flushed skin and he catches his breath. “Fuck. You're so fucking hot.” 

He can't help himself when he leans in to Aaron’s clavicles and touches his chest right over his beating heart. Minhyun’s breath fans on his ear as if he were sobbing and it tickles him. “I love you.” 

Aaron shakily covers his mouth with his hand, shaking his head in drunken mistake. He looks at him in the eyes with a soft expression but he brokenly smiles. “Just say my name.” 

It's a little painful. No, fuck that, it's  _ very fucking painful, _ but Aaron pulls him into a kiss that has him unable to protest or stop. He bites on his lip and Minhyun knows he's already in too deep to push Aaron away and save himself (themselves) from the aching burn that'll be left by tomorrow. 

Aaron holds out the bottle of lube and motions to his bedside drawer for condoms. For a second he doesn't want to let him go, afraid. Minhyun's legs shake from the weight loss when Aaron gets off of his lap, but it gives him the chance to stare at his slim figure in admiration. His skin glows and Minhyun sighs when Aaron looks at him again with a gone but precious expression. 

“Beautiful,” Minhyun can't help but say, “you're so fucking beautiful.”

As he expects, Aaron gets shy when Minhyun uncaps the bottle. They've done this before. One hundred times. More even. But there's never been once in which Aaron hasn't covered his face when Minhyun touched the skin in between the cleft of his ass. 

Minhyun has never questioned it because he's known Aaron long enough to know that he just does it unconsciously. Like the way he covers his mouth when he laughs too hard even though Minhyun loves his toothy smile the most. He hates that his heart shrunk each time someone else had him clutching his stomach with a joke, though. It didn't come frequently, but Minhyun was selfish enough to hold himself responsible for that laugh. Most of the times, at least. 

When he pushes a finger in, Aaron breathes loudly. He's never been the one to complain even when it was uncomfortable. When Minhyun was on the receiving end, he always told him whether it hurt or whether he was going too quickly; but Aaron always bit his tongue and allowed him to go on. Minhyun busies his free hand on Aaron’s cock instead. He faintly hears him cursing, so he continues.

Aaron moans louder than before when Minhyun has three fingers inside him. His pace is quicker the more Aaron breathes out loud, and it sounds right out of a porn video. Aaron’s hand reaches out to Minhyun and so they hold each other's hands with shaky force. Minhyun's is sticky with Aaron’s precum, but Aaron holds onto him so tightly and with teary eyes that Minhyun fights for air. 

God, he absolutely loves him. 

Minhyun kisses him and clicks the ring in between their teeth. Aaron opens his mouth when Minhyun continues to hit on his prostate with his fingers and it looks like he's going to finish soon. 

“Fuck me.” Aaron says with wet eyes and lips. “Minhyun, I'm… I'm so close.” 

He nods, because he is too. It hurts him when he puts the condom on himself, but nothing prepares him to the blissful pain of actually entering Aaron in slow attempt. He bottoms out with Aaron’s left hand on his hip and his right still clutching onto his other hand. Minhyun looks at their hands and he can't help but look at the ceiling to stop himself from crying. He groans a pleasured noise out; Aaron is so fucking tight that it marvels him how he doesn't come immediately.

They eventually even their grunts and panting to the sound of Minhyun thrusting into him, and Aaron closes his eyes tightly. He doesn't stop calling out his name and moaning in between, to which Minhyun grows even more impatient to make him climax. 

Minhyun’s eyes are stuck on Aaron. He watches the expressions and listens to the sounds that come out of him. Right below him; he looks so beautiful and helpless that it makes Minhyun grow fond. He caresses the warm skin of his face with his fingers and delicately traces his eyebrows with each shake of his hips. Aaron moans and puts his palm on Minhyun’s back. He scratches his skin almost violently when he knows he's close. 

“I'm… I'm gonna come.” He warns, and Minhyun keeps going with a sole purpose. 

His tongue catches Aaron’s and it sounds lewd with how loud his thighs hit his ass with every thrust. Their speed is impressive as the bed creaks under their weight. Both of Aaron's hands keep Minhyun’s face in place as he starts shaking with the beginning of his orgasm. 

When he pulls to breathe, he still shakes in the feeling and pants. “Don't say it.” Aaron whimpers as if he could read Minhyun’s mind. He's completely breathless but he says it because he knows Minhyun. Knows he was going to say those words again. “Sometimes it's better not to say it.” 

Minhyun's hips stutter as well as his lips with the confession. But he wordlessly accepts Aaron's request and keeps the words to himself with all the pain guaranteed inside his chest. 

Aaron shakes in between his arms. He hugs Minhyun's torso and shakes until his oversensitivity is asking Minhyun to stop before he can start to shed tears. It only takes a couple more thrusts for Minhyun to finish, and when he does, he puts his lips on Aaron’s shoulder. Above his other tattoo. 

Sex has never felt so raw in between them before, but Minhyun can't help but swallow the words of praise and love because he's afraid to disappoint Aaron even more. He still kisses his neck and cheeks, finding his mouth and sucking on his tongue before Aarons pulls away to breathe seconds too early. His lips are shiny with spit and he looks so beautifully fucked that he can't help but lean in to get high on him again.

Aaron breathes in between; loud and heavy and divine. Minhyun wants to hear and see him this breathless every single day and every second of the year again. And Minhyun wants them to kiss on the lips whilst they play on stage and fuck each other every night at his place after their shows. 

Exclusively. 

Aaron still challenges to catch his breath but Minhyun's never been so desperate to hold him close. It might be because he's not his anymore (never been exactly) or whether he's scared of what might be after tonight. He rests his forehead on Aaron’s chest and feels his heartbeat drum. He also sees the sweat glistening on his skin. 

Minhyun would usually get up to get each other cleaned up, but he feels like an intrusion in this house tonight. He waits for Aaron to get up himself, so when he doesn't, Minhyun takes a deep breath and lays down next to him in silence after trashing the condom in the trash bin. 

Aaron sounds hesitant when he sighs and whispers. 

“Thank you.” 

Minhyun frowns and looks at him from his spot on the bed. They're still touching, and his skin goes cold just at the phrase. “Don't say that. Don't say thank you.” He clenches his fist on top of the now unclean bed sheets and sighs bothered. “This wasn't some kind of favor. I wanted this just as much.” 

He gets up from his position and looks at Aaron with tiredness from where he sits. “Because I missed this.”

Aaron doesn't comment immediately, but he seems to understand more than he gives away. “I missed this too.”

He pulls Minhyun back down on the bed and looks at him from under his fringe. It's gotten longer in these past few months, and it suits him. (Everything does). 

Aaron lays down on Minhyun’s broad chest and traces letters around the flat of his stomach that must say something important. He means sorry in his quiet, abashed way. 

“You said I was beautiful,” Aaron says but Minhyun doesn't need him to remind him because he meant it, “and you made me feel like I was.” 

“You are.” Minhyun sounds so honest. He puts a hand on Aaron’s back and caresses warmly. “I know I always say the most stupid things to you, but when I compliment you, I swear on my life I mean it.” 

He remembers a bit of their conversation from earlier. The one where Aaron accidentally said he liked him, and it makes him smile like a hopeless fool because that's what's he's become. Hopeless, but there might be hope. At least just a tiny bit of it. “And there's something else I wanted to say earlier.”

He tests the same words. Looks at his eyes. 

“You've always been so good with your hands,” Minhyun starts. Aaron doesn't stop staring at the wall until he eventually matches his gaze to Minhyun’s face.

Aaron's eyes brink with pleasantry and his mouth forms a pretty, boyish smile Minhyun has never seen from him before. He tries to hide it but doesn't do a very good job at it. 

It sounds oddly familiar when he replies to him. “I'm a bassist. I'm meant to be good.”

Minhyun's gaze still finds itself locked with Aaron's eyes under the black mats of his hair, and he can't help but reach out to put a few strands back on place, trace his eyebrows lovingly with his thumb and laugh to himself.

“ _ Poetic _ .” 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why all my MinRon stories have to be angsty. They're always suffering in here. I wanted to dedicate this to my number one hype person, Tanya, (you've been through a terrible MinRon drought and I admire the measures you take for content) but I know how much you hate me for writing angst. I promise to give you happier stories soon. 
> 
> Anyways, if you finished reading, let me know how you feel about this. I love comments and they motivate me to write more, so share something and I'll be the happiest. 
> 
> My Twitter is @dabbingminhyun (because I've still not figured out how to direct link my account on notes.) Have a nice day and happy New Year!


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